…….last confession

That day afternoon also I heard some sound from my grand father’s room (it used to be a store room previously) but it was completely different from his daily moaning ‘abba, ayyaa’. It was like some one was murmuring or muttering continuously. I went to near the window and peered out at my grand father who had been lying on the same bed from past six months. I was surprised to see him chanting

Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare

…. … …. … …. …. …. …. … …. ..

and could not believe my eyes. If it were not for my grand father who lived his entire life as agnostic anyone would have done the same, especially when you are on death bed. He was always used to be self centered, very dogmatic about his opinions on god and admonish that god doesn’t come and feed you. Even as a father or grand father he never treated his sons and grand sons (also grand daughters) with affection.

I was not certain initially whether he was chanting ‘coz of god-fearing or he was making atonement for his sins. But later I understood that he was meditating on god to confess his sins and to attain liberation and salvation as per Bhagavad Gita at the time of death. I never understood what made him to talk like a sage but his last words are still echoing in my mind:

‘When life is good, it’s especially bitter to admit that it will end someday. When it’s ending you realize that you didn’t make anything out of that good life….(a long pause) I should have lived my whole good life by thinking my ending everyday so that I could have accumulated lot of something more pious. I wish I live for few more hours to get some more of that (punyam).’

-Prav

Sree…