Deserted Heart

When I leafed through the yesterday's e-paper I found the main paper with same mundane political news, opposition castigating the government and government accusing the opposition of sabotage. But the short bold lettered heading at one corner 'A 23 year old committing suicide for love failure' could grab my attention and made me to dig deeper in to the story. Surprisingly it exactly reflected my past experience and perturbed my mind with recollecting my failure story of love just a year ago. When i said it is an unfortunate, my friend indicated that it is a crazy and stupid act. He also asserted that the very idea of felo-de-se itself is a most foolish act one can do, no matter if it's a love failure or a blow up in personal life. But in my experience one has to understand what circumstances force them to take that most unpleasant decision especially when they were as good as us mentally and intellectually. Accurate to someone's theory, Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain, I was also compelled to think ending my life....

As usual the morning sun in Hyderabad unmasked the bustling life for bread and butter, the Ameerpet Jn which is famous for heavy traffic already packed with street vendors and the traffic signal standing in the middle by resisting all kind of noise and pollution was staring at me helplessly as if I was the only one who could listen to its woes. I cursed the government for all the traffic tribulations and killed my bike engine at the red signal in between looking at the heavily loaded city bus. All of sudden a girl on Honda Activa zipped in to the narrow space few inches away from my bike by curtaining my view on the bus. She was very pretty in her yellow dress with innocent face but she was damn good to attract my rigid, temperate and not her type behavior. But the signal flashed green by making my face red and leaving her hurtling past in a moment of time before I tried to talk with her.
Exactly two months after that I saw her again in our office as GET (Graduate Engineer Trainee) just like me joining as fresher. I could not believe my eyes and pinched my arm remembering similar scene from a movie. True to my luck she was also placed in R&E along with me and I got to spend lot of time with her in the canteen, training sessions as a matter of fact everywhere at the work place. The days passed with usual chatting, laughing, bantering, gossiping and also occasionally going out for shopping and movies. With a year of our association I could gather some courage and proposed her one day, true to my love at first sight. She didn't say anything for more than a month but behaved as if she loves me more than I do though she never told me directly. One day she hinted me that her parents were looking for a match but didn't say anything about our due course of action. For next one month I was away to resolve my family problems and meanwhile she got engaged to someone else. I thought of going to her home and talk with her parents but I was helpless as she herself changed her mind and tried to convince me that we could never be a couple due to the our different caste and status.

I was disheartened and could not concentrate on my work despite knowing the facts of life, i.e. life is beyond her love and it's about achieving my dreams. I was more sadden day by day and one point of time I considered dying is better option than to digest her marriage with someone else.

-Fani



Sree...