A Decision to make

“I don’t know what to tell them, they want the marriage should take place in ten days and asked me to make my decision by tomorrow evening. It’s very much puzzling; my legs are shaking with jittering movement. I feel like nerves pulling throughout my body and heart is pounding with lot of emotions. It’s all on your decision; I’ll accept for the marriage only on your consensus and I am sure your take the judgment that will be bliss to me.”

I was really stumped when my best friend asked me for help in making her mind for an arranged marriage which her parents left to her choice. When she put her future at my tip I saw her lot of assurance on me. When she believed me to take the best decision I had to have a sleepless night.

First of all I enquired about his back ground through my contacts and later spoke with him for an hour. Somehow I was convinced and believed that she should marry him given all the constraints she had. But again I remembered it as an important decision to make and I had to think and use all the possibilities of a true decision making techniques before I have come to a conclusion.

GOAL---------àMaking a decision (is that a prefect match or not)

-------àAvoid all negative, unintended consequences (it should not affect her future)

Identify the roles of different people:

Her parents and her uncle& aunt--àthey all accepted except her uncle who is bit hesitant about the NRI culture & habits.

Her cousins & friends--à they have all nodded though they didn’t know much about the groom n his family except his education background.

Importantly, her decision--à She’s doesn’t want to marry at this point of time although she is perfectly alright with the groom.

Objectives: She should be happy with her marriage

What kind of the guy he is--à modest, shy, hard working, reserved, well planned and but bit stingy & arrogant and not so good looking.

What are their neighbor’s opinions on that guy?-à sincere, submissive and timid…

What is their neighbor’s opinion on his family?-àwealthy, not kind to less rich, bit pompous, and politically connected.

His habits, routines & hobbies? ---> Drinks, smokes, less sociable, neither a movie buff nor mad of books. Not much religious and hardly go to temple.

Siblings?--àTwo younger sisters, one married & other studying..

About his Job?--à Very stable & good pay in a known MNC.

Location?-à NJ,USA

How long he wants to be there?--àpermanent (looking for green card)

How was the conversation with him?-à trying to impress her and showing lot of curiosity.

Range of alternatives:

Another match in next 6 months?--à Unsure of getting a rich & good looking groom.

Does she love someone?-à No (even in next 6 months)

What about a good cultured family?-àIt’s difficult to find a guy without habit of drinking and religious with matching cast & status etc.

Is she attractive enough?-àVery attractive & very good natured to get good husband anytime.

Can she wait for long time?--àHer parents can’t wait for more than a 6 months.

How about her family?-à Very respective, known for their helping nature and very religious. Not rich comparatively and losses in business recently. Also her younger sister is yet to marry.

Determine each alternative meets Objective?

Likewise I jotted down all the parameters for decision making and gave weightage to each parameters depending upon its importance and priority by keeping in mind the main objective. Later, I segregated the negatives from positives before giving final count to each of them. Finally, I could see more of positives in favor of the marriage and matching with my earlier instincts I suggested my friend to agree for the marriage proposal.

It may look silly and absurd but even after a year I still believe that I could successfully take one of the most important decisions of my life with the help of brain storming especially given the fact that I was always lauded by her for my usual aplomb and composure at that time.

Sree…

Deserted Heart

When I leafed through the yesterday's e-paper I found the main paper with same mundane political news, opposition castigating the government and government accusing the opposition of sabotage. But the short bold lettered heading at one corner 'A 23 year old committing suicide for love failure' could grab my attention and made me to dig deeper in to the story. Surprisingly it exactly reflected my past experience and perturbed my mind with recollecting my failure story of love just a year ago. When i said it is an unfortunate, my friend indicated that it is a crazy and stupid act. He also asserted that the very idea of felo-de-se itself is a most foolish act one can do, no matter if it's a love failure or a blow up in personal life. But in my experience one has to understand what circumstances force them to take that most unpleasant decision especially when they were as good as us mentally and intellectually. Accurate to someone's theory, Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain, I was also compelled to think ending my life....

As usual the morning sun in Hyderabad unmasked the bustling life for bread and butter, the Ameerpet Jn which is famous for heavy traffic already packed with street vendors and the traffic signal standing in the middle by resisting all kind of noise and pollution was staring at me helplessly as if I was the only one who could listen to its woes. I cursed the government for all the traffic tribulations and killed my bike engine at the red signal in between looking at the heavily loaded city bus. All of sudden a girl on Honda Activa zipped in to the narrow space few inches away from my bike by curtaining my view on the bus. She was very pretty in her yellow dress with innocent face but she was damn good to attract my rigid, temperate and not her type behavior. But the signal flashed green by making my face red and leaving her hurtling past in a moment of time before I tried to talk with her.
Exactly two months after that I saw her again in our office as GET (Graduate Engineer Trainee) just like me joining as fresher. I could not believe my eyes and pinched my arm remembering similar scene from a movie. True to my luck she was also placed in R&E along with me and I got to spend lot of time with her in the canteen, training sessions as a matter of fact everywhere at the work place. The days passed with usual chatting, laughing, bantering, gossiping and also occasionally going out for shopping and movies. With a year of our association I could gather some courage and proposed her one day, true to my love at first sight. She didn't say anything for more than a month but behaved as if she loves me more than I do though she never told me directly. One day she hinted me that her parents were looking for a match but didn't say anything about our due course of action. For next one month I was away to resolve my family problems and meanwhile she got engaged to someone else. I thought of going to her home and talk with her parents but I was helpless as she herself changed her mind and tried to convince me that we could never be a couple due to the our different caste and status.

I was disheartened and could not concentrate on my work despite knowing the facts of life, i.e. life is beyond her love and it's about achieving my dreams. I was more sadden day by day and one point of time I considered dying is better option than to digest her marriage with someone else.

-Fani



Sree...

A Nightmare

Last night when I was watching an English movie there is a scene similar to one of my dreams which created many nightmares when I was doing job in Bangalore.

It's a summer evening; I was riding my bicycle through our campus starting from main block, right turn to cross the auditorium and then took a short cut along professor's colony to reach the main road through the second gate. As I just crossed the road an unseasoned rain started pouring heavily and there was no shelter I could stop by except a tree and a half ruined hut just abuts onto the main road. By standing under the tree close to the hut I looked inside with expecting no one but mysteriously I saw a middle aged guy and his fifteen year old son sitting on a broken cot with a roll of tobacco fuming in their mouth. I asked that chap why he was spoiling his son by encouraging the smoking. Unwittingly taken aback by some unfamiliar voice he told me that he never denied his son to do what he wanted to do and left to his choice. He told me that he sent his son to school when the boy really wished to go and later he didn't say anything when his son desired to work in a mechanic shop. I asked the boy why he stopped going to school when his father was ready to send him. To be perplexed by my query he retorted that he's very much happy in playing with screws and bolts in the auto shed. He also uttered that he never do anything against to his happiness. Unconvincingly, I told him that he needs schooling at least to get basic knowledge of what is good and what is bad. I also stressed the importance of studying in becoming successful and rich although he seemed to be not interested in my discourse.

The rain god has not finished his smiling yet, I was called to stand inside for protecting myself from showers under the tree. After a long pause the boy asked me what I do and weather I was happy in doing so. Well, I could admit unwaveringly that I was happy in what I was doing (I meant in doing job). He also asserted me that I would be happy only if I listen to what my inner voice says.

Once rain stopped everything got disappeared and I was wakening up by my mobile alarm to start another unpurposeful day throughout which I would be spending in office against to my wish.

After many days of affliction I conferred with my soul and I decided to quit my job in pursuing what I always wanted to do.

-Raghu

Sree…