MY TREK TO BECOME A GRADUATE

Today morning when i opened my Inbox I saw a mail from my friend containing her LOVE story penned down by pouring all her feelings from heart. It was very interesting and as a fan of such stories I thought i can post it in my blog weather or not it refers to me.

I am a girl born with silver spoon in my mouth. No difficulties ,no painful incidents, no sleepless nights and no deviations. I had a royal and graceful life. Wonderful parents ,caring siblings and merciful blessings from God. Anything I just think, would be in-front of me even before asking someone. This is the way I am blessed. All my friends envy me "ohh..gosh!!! ....I hope we had such a merrymaking life like her's!!! she;s damn lucky". yes I admit I am lucky.This is all about my life. Then comes the time when I need to get pragmatic and lead my own life which was quiet curious in the beginning. I decided to go for a grad school to earn a degree in the field i like the most "The Aerospace". The word "aero" was very eye-catchy to me most likely since my childhood. I still remember the nights when I stared at the sky hoping to meet an alien some fine day in my life. I was quiet excited to go to a grad school. This is the juncture where i need to decide a suitable grad school. I was working really hard to clear all my exams to get into the grad school.

Then I meet a person who almost made most of my nights sleepless.I don't even remember a day, not thinking of this person. He is sooo charming, he almost swept me off my feet with a perfect broom. He has a great charm on his face which made any one fall for him. His eyes very sparkling all the time with confidence. His smile made millions fall on his way. His passion towards life made me fall for him. He is an amazing words made me to just listen to him quietly all the time. I am afraid that I can fall short of words to describe this amazing person.

I always heard about love. I describe "Love as an utopia", A land of fairy tales. I never ever experienced this feel before. Whenever I see this person or even think of him, I have a feel of playing a jazz in my heart.My eyes were always curious to meet this person, talk to this person and spend most of my time with him. I never, ever felt something even closer to this before. All my life was scintillating , dazzling and blossoming with his company. I felt for a while that my life would be just a perfect and an idealistic one with him and I am pretty sure that my friends now will be like "jeezzz.....I want a life just as perfect as hers".

Being a girl, I was not bold enough to propose him. I was trying hard to hit him with an idea that i like him more than anyone on this earth. One fine morning I decided to stir up a conversation involving boyfriends and girlfriends. This is the juncture in my life which completely made me turn topsy turvy. I never even gave a taught of him saying something like that. I was completely upset with it. I was unable to express myself to him, which was even more worst as I was never like that. My eyes were filled with tears . My tears were just waiting to droll down my cheeks. I couldn't face him any more. I didn't know what to do then. could you guess by this time what he said??? yup...he said that " I have a girlfriend!!!","She's love of my life". yes.yes yes. ofcourse I completely agree that a guy with such great charm defenetly has a girlfriend. I was pissed off just by my own nature that "how could I be such a dum-Ass that I even couldn't give a shot of thinking him to have someone else in his life??" well probably that shows how much I was mesmerized in his lovely talks.

I was soo much upset with this issue that I almost spend a month to get rid off his thoughts. He's not my crush to forget, I miss him every moment of my life. I got a habit of seeing him every day talking to him almost 7hrs a day by then. I couldn't even digest the fact that I no longer can see him or even talk to him as he said that he is gonna marry his girlfriend and live for ever. For the first time in my life I envy this girl. "plzzz

jeezzzz....!!! make him get rid off her so that he can be mine .I want this guy some or the other way" .I just hated that girl for no reason. I don;t even know her. I never even met her. I was not supposed to say something like that. But I did it.I knew that It was not good but I couldn't stop doing that.

But later I realized that I was just going nuts on this particular guy which is no way good on my part. One day I realized that He's a good guy but not good for me and then I wanna puke on all my thoughts of grabbing him right away from his girlfriend. I realized the aim of my life to be a good or even a great engineer in my dream-field "The aerospace" .I re-focused on my career and got into one of the most prestigious schools "The van kofin fluid sciences".And now I am just doing great.

My dear friends life teaches us lot of things. Some might be joyful and some other might be painful.But remember one thing the lessons taught by life are never sugar coated.They are frank and sturdy.They often hurt us. But what so ever it is, take the courage to overcome the difficulties and strive hard to achieve your goals. Never allow the painful situations to over take you. Remember one thing in your life which I follow most of the times "YOU ROCK". This is the word which makes me to drive myself out of all my difficulties. Makes me to turn all those unturn stones on my path and rewrite great thing on that tombstone and stand out from the mob . Friend's don't forget "YOU ROCK. YOU ALWAYS ROCK!!!"

-Sushmitha

how good am I !!!!

Yesterday I had a dream of all the people around me including god was hating and disliking me for no reason. When I woke up in the morning and gave a thought what could be the reason if someone hates me. I always credited myself a good person like anyother thinks of self. But when i have contemplated and assessed myself based on the true traits of a good human being by taking some elucidations from my life I realized that I have long way to go before I assume myself as salt of the earth.

Characteristics---> How good am I

Fearlessness-- >50%

purity of heart-- >70%

holding fast

to knowledge of the spirit--->60%

charity--> 40%

restraint of the senses-->70%

sacrifice-->60%

study of religious texts-->70%

austerity-->40%

straightforwardness-->60%

Harmlessness-->90%

truth-->70%

freedom from anger-->70%

renunciation-->60%

tranquility of spirit-->50%

lack of malice-->60%

compassion towards all living things--->70%

freedom from covetousness-->60%

tenderness,--->80%

modesty-->60%

steadfastness-->60%

Vigor-->70%

patience-->80%

constancy-->80%

purity-->75%

freedom from hatred-->70%

lack of conceit-->65%

Sree...

DESTINY-deep from mid sea

The sea god was soaring at his best; eddies and the dimples of tide were playing around the bows of ship, for some time I enjoyed observing the mid sea whirlpools and for some more time I gazed at the blanched sky to find the nothingness except fleecy clouds. When the reverberating noise of cranks from twenty cylinder engine along with the ocean sounds made soothing symphony I tried to sing till I realized that there was none to listen except meters and multiple desktop screens. I tried my best in all possible ways to elude my confinement in a small control room of big engine room but the loneliness just like a storm in ocean caused the floods of thoughts about my past and destiny.

I became frustrated for failing in all three consecutive core job interviews when all of my friends were able to make it through campus recruitment. I was known as technical savvy in our class and even our class topper used to come to me for clarifying his doubts. I had never imagined myself without being placed especially after having had 8+ GPA and lot of other credentials. Not entirely true to my apprehension I could get one job finally at the end of our final sem!!! I was the last one among fifty to be placed but only one to get jackpot. Yes, ironically I got a job in IOCL (Indian Oil Corporation Ltd), one of the most lucrative jobs offered in our campus.

When I shared my triumph with my family they celebrated it with the whole village as if they reaped the rewards of all their twenty years of hard work. My uncle who was delighted by my success had announced me as a best choice to his beautiful daughter. But it was not much longer did I realize that the destiny had the role to play it again. I was assigned a job of maintaining a petrol bunk (outlet) on a highway somewhere in remote area of Assam where my duty was to audit the daily cash and oil consumption. Moreover my boss whose attitude was domineering and overbearing was unbearable. Soon I became spiritless and wondered why they required a mechanical engineer from one of the premier institutes in the country for a clerical kind of job. One day I happened to attend a seminar on ‘self realization’ by a famous management guru and then decided to call a quit my permanent job for pursuing the noble profession of Teaching. But it was not easy as I expected to get a teaching job considering my inexperience and qualification. I had to sit idly for more than two months at home by listening to my family woes and my uncle’s nit-picking. Somehow I got a call from CBIT for the position of Lecturer to guide and help students in their technical projects but the monthly pay was not even half of my previous paycheck. I grabbed the offer with both hands and tried to help the students in their technical work. The ‘Sir’ job lasted for another six months until I met one of my childhood friends in a train to Mumbai for student hybrid car project presentation in IIT fest. In return to Hyderabad I had to meet my friend in Pune and he took me to Lonavala for outing where my next future was destined to begin. Then and there I came to know about the SIMS (merchant navy school) in Lonavala through my friend and understood about the life of adventurous voyage. May be it was ordained but I have seen my future and made a determination to join in that school. In a month when I was selected to SIMS through national wide entrance exam my uncle who had been thinking of my wedlock with her daughter till then could not bet on my capricious nature and married her to a nice gentle man against to my wish.

After one year of education, six months of vigorous training and grooming I was on a ship for my first assignment to Europe. And soon I was absorbed by a multinational company with six digit salary in dollars and promised to give perks for my work. But I know it’s futile to think much about my future as MOIRAI will have a role to play again.

Sree…

A Decision to make

“I don’t know what to tell them, they want the marriage should take place in ten days and asked me to make my decision by tomorrow evening. It’s very much puzzling; my legs are shaking with jittering movement. I feel like nerves pulling throughout my body and heart is pounding with lot of emotions. It’s all on your decision; I’ll accept for the marriage only on your consensus and I am sure your take the judgment that will be bliss to me.”

I was really stumped when my best friend asked me for help in making her mind for an arranged marriage which her parents left to her choice. When she put her future at my tip I saw her lot of assurance on me. When she believed me to take the best decision I had to have a sleepless night.

First of all I enquired about his back ground through my contacts and later spoke with him for an hour. Somehow I was convinced and believed that she should marry him given all the constraints she had. But again I remembered it as an important decision to make and I had to think and use all the possibilities of a true decision making techniques before I have come to a conclusion.

GOAL---------àMaking a decision (is that a prefect match or not)

-------àAvoid all negative, unintended consequences (it should not affect her future)

Identify the roles of different people:

Her parents and her uncle& aunt--àthey all accepted except her uncle who is bit hesitant about the NRI culture & habits.

Her cousins & friends--à they have all nodded though they didn’t know much about the groom n his family except his education background.

Importantly, her decision--à She’s doesn’t want to marry at this point of time although she is perfectly alright with the groom.

Objectives: She should be happy with her marriage

What kind of the guy he is--à modest, shy, hard working, reserved, well planned and but bit stingy & arrogant and not so good looking.

What are their neighbor’s opinions on that guy?-à sincere, submissive and timid…

What is their neighbor’s opinion on his family?-àwealthy, not kind to less rich, bit pompous, and politically connected.

His habits, routines & hobbies? ---> Drinks, smokes, less sociable, neither a movie buff nor mad of books. Not much religious and hardly go to temple.

Siblings?--àTwo younger sisters, one married & other studying..

About his Job?--à Very stable & good pay in a known MNC.

Location?-à NJ,USA

How long he wants to be there?--àpermanent (looking for green card)

How was the conversation with him?-à trying to impress her and showing lot of curiosity.

Range of alternatives:

Another match in next 6 months?--à Unsure of getting a rich & good looking groom.

Does she love someone?-à No (even in next 6 months)

What about a good cultured family?-àIt’s difficult to find a guy without habit of drinking and religious with matching cast & status etc.

Is she attractive enough?-àVery attractive & very good natured to get good husband anytime.

Can she wait for long time?--àHer parents can’t wait for more than a 6 months.

How about her family?-à Very respective, known for their helping nature and very religious. Not rich comparatively and losses in business recently. Also her younger sister is yet to marry.

Determine each alternative meets Objective?

Likewise I jotted down all the parameters for decision making and gave weightage to each parameters depending upon its importance and priority by keeping in mind the main objective. Later, I segregated the negatives from positives before giving final count to each of them. Finally, I could see more of positives in favor of the marriage and matching with my earlier instincts I suggested my friend to agree for the marriage proposal.

It may look silly and absurd but even after a year I still believe that I could successfully take one of the most important decisions of my life with the help of brain storming especially given the fact that I was always lauded by her for my usual aplomb and composure at that time.

Sree…

Deserted Heart

When I leafed through the yesterday's e-paper I found the main paper with same mundane political news, opposition castigating the government and government accusing the opposition of sabotage. But the short bold lettered heading at one corner 'A 23 year old committing suicide for love failure' could grab my attention and made me to dig deeper in to the story. Surprisingly it exactly reflected my past experience and perturbed my mind with recollecting my failure story of love just a year ago. When i said it is an unfortunate, my friend indicated that it is a crazy and stupid act. He also asserted that the very idea of felo-de-se itself is a most foolish act one can do, no matter if it's a love failure or a blow up in personal life. But in my experience one has to understand what circumstances force them to take that most unpleasant decision especially when they were as good as us mentally and intellectually. Accurate to someone's theory, Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain, I was also compelled to think ending my life....

As usual the morning sun in Hyderabad unmasked the bustling life for bread and butter, the Ameerpet Jn which is famous for heavy traffic already packed with street vendors and the traffic signal standing in the middle by resisting all kind of noise and pollution was staring at me helplessly as if I was the only one who could listen to its woes. I cursed the government for all the traffic tribulations and killed my bike engine at the red signal in between looking at the heavily loaded city bus. All of sudden a girl on Honda Activa zipped in to the narrow space few inches away from my bike by curtaining my view on the bus. She was very pretty in her yellow dress with innocent face but she was damn good to attract my rigid, temperate and not her type behavior. But the signal flashed green by making my face red and leaving her hurtling past in a moment of time before I tried to talk with her.
Exactly two months after that I saw her again in our office as GET (Graduate Engineer Trainee) just like me joining as fresher. I could not believe my eyes and pinched my arm remembering similar scene from a movie. True to my luck she was also placed in R&E along with me and I got to spend lot of time with her in the canteen, training sessions as a matter of fact everywhere at the work place. The days passed with usual chatting, laughing, bantering, gossiping and also occasionally going out for shopping and movies. With a year of our association I could gather some courage and proposed her one day, true to my love at first sight. She didn't say anything for more than a month but behaved as if she loves me more than I do though she never told me directly. One day she hinted me that her parents were looking for a match but didn't say anything about our due course of action. For next one month I was away to resolve my family problems and meanwhile she got engaged to someone else. I thought of going to her home and talk with her parents but I was helpless as she herself changed her mind and tried to convince me that we could never be a couple due to the our different caste and status.

I was disheartened and could not concentrate on my work despite knowing the facts of life, i.e. life is beyond her love and it's about achieving my dreams. I was more sadden day by day and one point of time I considered dying is better option than to digest her marriage with someone else.

-Fani



Sree...

A Nightmare

Last night when I was watching an English movie there is a scene similar to one of my dreams which created many nightmares when I was doing job in Bangalore.

It's a summer evening; I was riding my bicycle through our campus starting from main block, right turn to cross the auditorium and then took a short cut along professor's colony to reach the main road through the second gate. As I just crossed the road an unseasoned rain started pouring heavily and there was no shelter I could stop by except a tree and a half ruined hut just abuts onto the main road. By standing under the tree close to the hut I looked inside with expecting no one but mysteriously I saw a middle aged guy and his fifteen year old son sitting on a broken cot with a roll of tobacco fuming in their mouth. I asked that chap why he was spoiling his son by encouraging the smoking. Unwittingly taken aback by some unfamiliar voice he told me that he never denied his son to do what he wanted to do and left to his choice. He told me that he sent his son to school when the boy really wished to go and later he didn't say anything when his son desired to work in a mechanic shop. I asked the boy why he stopped going to school when his father was ready to send him. To be perplexed by my query he retorted that he's very much happy in playing with screws and bolts in the auto shed. He also uttered that he never do anything against to his happiness. Unconvincingly, I told him that he needs schooling at least to get basic knowledge of what is good and what is bad. I also stressed the importance of studying in becoming successful and rich although he seemed to be not interested in my discourse.

The rain god has not finished his smiling yet, I was called to stand inside for protecting myself from showers under the tree. After a long pause the boy asked me what I do and weather I was happy in doing so. Well, I could admit unwaveringly that I was happy in what I was doing (I meant in doing job). He also asserted me that I would be happy only if I listen to what my inner voice says.

Once rain stopped everything got disappeared and I was wakening up by my mobile alarm to start another unpurposeful day throughout which I would be spending in office against to my wish.

After many days of affliction I conferred with my soul and I decided to quit my job in pursuing what I always wanted to do.

-Raghu

Sree…

I remeber my first crush

It had been pouring heavily outside from couple of hours, “might be storm surge occurred in the Bay of Bengal”, I surmised. I took my bag and raced towards the bus station without worrying much about the outside cloudburst. As soon as I reached the station I saw a hi-tech bus just started and I ran hard towards it by waving to the driver.
The bus has got already occupied except few window side seats which were drenched by rain water infiltrating in to the bus. I looked around and got settled down adjacent to a middle aged Uncle where a beautiful girl rested along with a middle aged aunty (probably her mother) just in front seat. As I was completely soaked in the rain I put my bag on the seat and stood close to the bus door to dry up my clothes. As I was drying my hair, inadvertently few drops dribbled on the girl’s cheek. I tried to act as if I have not seen her and continued to wipe out the water from my hair but this time few drops have fallen on the Uncle’s face. He thought that I did it deliberately and yelled at me “don’t you see the people around you?” before I said ‘sorry. I did not say anything except one more sorry and reclined myself on the window side seat by thinking about that girl. I was sure that I had seen her before somewhere but could not recollect where I did and tried all kind of mischief acts like keeping my hanky on her seat head, pushing my shoe towards her and playing sounds from my MP3 player to gather her attention so that at least she could identify me. But nothing has worked out infavour of me; I was seen by that uncle when I was throwing a piece of paper towards her seat.
After sometime the bus broke down in the middle of the road due to radiator problem and the driver told everyone to relax for few minutes till another bus comes from near by bus depot. To my surprise the uncle along with that girl and her mother got down from the bus in hurry and scuttled off by taking an auto without even waiting for more than ten minutes. I didn’t know why they left abruptly but I understood why the uncle was fuming at me throughout the journey. As I took off the news paper from the uncle’s seat I have found a bunch of keys including car keys. I didn’t think much and stopped another auto to catch them and I could successfully return their keys before they are lost.

BY now I forgot the uncle’s face but I still remember the uncle’s hangdog expression when he was saying thanks to me. Also I figured out later that the girl was my first ‘crush’ in my junior college.

Sree…

…….last confession

That day afternoon also I heard some sound from my grand father’s room (it used to be a store room previously) but it was completely different from his daily moaning ‘abba, ayyaa’. It was like some one was murmuring or muttering continuously. I went to near the window and peered out at my grand father who had been lying on the same bed from past six months. I was surprised to see him chanting

Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare

…. … …. … …. …. …. …. … …. ..

and could not believe my eyes. If it were not for my grand father who lived his entire life as agnostic anyone would have done the same, especially when you are on death bed. He was always used to be self centered, very dogmatic about his opinions on god and admonish that god doesn’t come and feed you. Even as a father or grand father he never treated his sons and grand sons (also grand daughters) with affection.

I was not certain initially whether he was chanting ‘coz of god-fearing or he was making atonement for his sins. But later I understood that he was meditating on god to confess his sins and to attain liberation and salvation as per Bhagavad Gita at the time of death. I never understood what made him to talk like a sage but his last words are still echoing in my mind:

‘When life is good, it’s especially bitter to admit that it will end someday. When it’s ending you realize that you didn’t make anything out of that good life….(a long pause) I should have lived my whole good life by thinking my ending everyday so that I could have accumulated lot of something more pious. I wish I live for few more hours to get some more of that (punyam).’

-Prav

Sree…