“I don’t know what to tell them, they want the marriage should take place in ten days and asked me to make my decision by tomorrow evening. It’s very much puzzling; my legs are shaking with jittering movement. I feel like nerves pulling throughout my body and heart is pounding with lot of emotions. It’s all on your decision; I’ll accept for the marriage only on your consensus and I am sure your take the judgment that will be bliss to me.”
I was really stumped when my best friend asked me for help in making her mind for an arranged marriage which her parents left to her choice. When she put her future at my tip I saw her lot of assurance on me. When she believed me to take the best decision I had to have a sleepless night.
First of all I enquired about his back ground through my contacts and later spoke with him for an hour. Somehow I was convinced and believed that she should marry him given all the constraints she had. But again I remembered it as an important decision to make and I had to think and use all the possibilities of a true decision making techniques before I have come to a conclusion.
GOAL---------àMaking a decision (is that a prefect match or not)
-------àAvoid all negative, unintended consequences (it should not affect her future)
Identify the roles of different people:
Her parents and her uncle& aunt--àthey all accepted except her uncle who is bit hesitant about the NRI culture & habits.
Her cousins & friends--à they have all nodded though they didn’t know much about the groom n his family except his education background.
Importantly, her decision--à She’s doesn’t want to marry at this point of time although she is perfectly alright with the groom.
Objectives: She should be happy with her marriage
What kind of the guy he is--à modest, shy, hard working, reserved, well planned and but bit stingy & arrogant and not so good looking.
What are their neighbor’s opinions on that guy?-à sincere, submissive and timid…
What is their neighbor’s opinion on his family?-àwealthy, not kind to less rich, bit pompous, and politically connected.
His habits, routines & hobbies? ---> Drinks, smokes, less sociable, neither a movie buff nor mad of books. Not much religious and hardly go to temple.
Siblings?--àTwo younger sisters, one married & other studying..
About his Job?--à Very stable & good pay in a known MNC.
Location?-à NJ,USA
How long he wants to be there?--àpermanent (looking for green card)
How was the conversation with him?-à trying to impress her and showing lot of curiosity.
Range of alternatives:
Another match in next 6 months?--à Unsure of getting a rich & good looking groom.
Does she love someone?-à No (even in next 6 months)
What about a good cultured family?-àIt’s difficult to find a guy without habit of drinking and religious with matching cast & status etc.
Is she attractive enough?-àVery attractive & very good natured to get good husband anytime.
Can she wait for long time?--àHer parents can’t wait for more than a 6 months.
How about her family?-à Very respective, known for their helping nature and very religious. Not rich comparatively and losses in business recently. Also her younger sister is yet to marry.
Determine each alternative meets Objective?
Likewise I jotted down all the parameters for decision making and gave weightage to each parameters depending upon its importance and priority by keeping in mind the main objective. Later, I segregated the negatives from positives before giving final count to each of them. Finally, I could see more of positives in favor of the marriage and matching with my earlier instincts I suggested my friend to agree for the marriage proposal.
It may look silly and absurd but even after a year I still believe that I could successfully take one of the most important decisions of my life with the help of brain storming especially given the fact that I was always lauded by her for my usual aplomb and composure at that time.
Sree…
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